HI AGAIN!
Wow it has been 2 years since I’ve written a blog post. Obviously a lot of things have changed since then. I have my podcast, which has kind of replaced the need to write blogs…but writing will always be therapeutic for me, so here goes nothing.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START!
I graduated college in May…which still hasn’t really sunk in. I have to kind of pinch myself when I think about it. It’s also super weird because my graduation ceremony was on zoom. I was anxious until the moment my name went across the screen. I had this strange feeling in the back of my mind that something went wrong and I wasn’t actually going to graduate. BUT I DID IT. I’m gonna be honest…if you asked me two or three years ago if I thought I was going to graduate college, I would have laughed nervously and said no. I took a medical withdrawal for an entire year. I was at one of the lowest points of my life, on academic probation, I had surgery (Oh yeah, I had a season ending injury. I’ll get to that!) and couldn’t work out or play soccer. I thought my life was over. I changed my major so many times throughout college, but I finally stuck with photography and I technically did my whole major in 2 years. Kind of impressive if you ask me…
Okay back to the “lowest point of my life” and the surgery part. I started to have calf issues my sophomore year of college. They felt tight at first and would get extremely sore no matter what I did. This got increasingly worse over the next two years. My feet would go numb and I felt like I had knives in my calves after just warming up. At the beginning of my senior year, I found out I had Compartment Syndrome in both calves. I was told it wouldn’t get better without surgery, but the surgery was pretty much a 50/50 shot. It could have worked, it could have done absolutely nothing, or it could have made them worse. I was set on getting the surgery. It was either that or not play soccer anymore. The latter was not an option. The months leading up to my surgery were brutal, and the months after were almost unbearable. I went months without knowing if the surgery worked. I was living on my own at this point and would sleep my days away to not think about anything. No one really knew how much I was struggling. Long story short, the surgery worked. I still have some trouble with getting more sore than I should be, and still some uncomfortable tightness when I run at times, but I know what my body needs now and I can manage it very well. I was nervous I wouldn’t come back the same player I was before. Not to pump my own tires, but I came back 10x stronger than I ever was before with a new found love and passion for the game.
I used to think that the statement, “Everything happens for a reason,” was kind of cheesy. But I cannot reiterate it enough….I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have a season ending injury, if I didn’t take my 5th year, and if I didn’t go through one of the toughest times of my life trying to come back. My mindset is completely different than it used to be. If we haven’t talked since before all of that, I’ll probably have to reintroduce myself to you.
As for now…I am taking photos, working, and working out. I have a lot of free time which is foreign to me. I’m kind of in a transition period. It makes me a little (who am I kidding, I’m extremely) anxious to just be waiting for the next opportunity, but I am starting to learn to love the in between. I have realized that I’m always anxious for the next thing in life. I get extremely excited and impatient for the next thing, without really enjoying the moment I’m in. There’s a fine line of setting yourself up for the next thing without wishing the current moment away.
I have so many gigantic dreams that I know will come. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with all of my hopes, dreams, and ideas that I kind of shut down. I’m working on not doing that. So that’s where I’m at right now.
This was nice. I miss this. Sometimes I feel like I can articulate my thoughts better through writing and taking my time, but sometimes I like talking it out. I’m not sure why I thought having a blog and a podcast were mutually exclusive. They are not, and I’m excited to keep doing both.
Thanks for still being here on this crazy journey.
