So, before we dive into the depths of insanity that is my life....there's a few things we need to get straight and a few things you'll need to learn. Hopefully most of you already know these things.

1. Mental illnesses vary from person to person. I could write about my experiences all day long, but they will never be the exact same as someone else's.

2. Mental illness is NOT a choice! People do not choose to be depressed, or be anxious about every little thing. It is literally a chemical imbalance in the brain.

3. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) by definition is a chronic, long-lasting disorder in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions) that he or she feels the need to repeat over and over. 

This disorder is NOT "Over Cleaning Disorder".....yes I have gotten this before. "Oh, so you just clean a lot." Ha, no. Sure, some people's OCD involves cleaning because they have a fear of contamination. I once met a lady at an OCD group that I went to who had an intense fear of contamination. She would scrub her skin until it was raw because she felt that germs were living on her skin. She spent hours "decontaminating" her house and her car because she was morbidly afraid of getting sick. 

My OCD is more of the fear of the unknown and it is VERY hard to explain. My anxiety, depression, and OCD go hand in hand. The more depressed I am, the more anxious I get. The more anxious I am, the worse my compulsions get. For example, I have an irrational fear of my loved ones getting sick or even dying, so when I have those thoughts, I have to do a compulsion to get rid of the thought or "reverse" it, and I have to do the compulsion until I get it perfect or until it feels right to me. I have so many compulsions that I literally cannot count them all. I call them routines and everything has a routine. From the way I get out of bed, to the way I brush my teeth, to the way I start my car, or even pick something up off of the kitchen counter...it all has a right way to be done. I do my compulsions because I feel like I am in control. As if my brain has godly powers that can stop whatever bad thing I'm thinking from happening. If I don't get it right the first time, I will have to do it again in multiples of 8. Don't ask me why it is 8, I have no idea. I can do 4 sometimes because it is half of 8, or very rarely 2 because it is half of 4, but not 8+4 because that equals 12 which is my Dad's favorite number and nothing bad can happen to him. 16 can be an option because it is 8x2, but I have to be careful with that one because the digits of 16 are 1 and 6 which add up to 7, which is my favorite number so bad things might happen to me. 8x3 is 24 but this is too close to 25 which is my Mom's favorite number and nothing can happen to her either.........

See. This is how my brain works. It is absolutely exhausting. And that is just an ounce of the depths that my brain will go to. 

4. Mental health is just as important as physical health. If an athlete had a visibly sprained ankle, their coach would make them sit out, get some rest, and maybe go to the doctor. I believe for those with mental illnesses, it should be the same. The injury is not visible, but it is just as real, and maybe even more crippling. 

5. Anxiety is real. The things people worry about may or may not be rational, but the fear is real. 

6. Seeing a counselor does not mean you are crazy. Talking about the demons in your head is incredibly healthy for you and you usually walk out feeling like a million bucks. I will say, that sometimes it does suck, like really suck. But in the long run, it just might be the best thing you can do for yourself. 

7. Anxiety, depression, OCD, and any other mental illness you can think of, can be debilitating. There are days when I wake up and immediately cannot move because it feels like my brain is already going a mile a minute and I cannot keep up. There are days that I will sleep until I can't anymore to avoid my own thoughts. There are days that I am so depressed that I don't even want to get up to go to the bathroom.

8. If you know someone that has a mental illness, don't just blow them off and tell them, "Everything is fine, stop freaking out." That is quite possibly the worst thing you could do. They cannot stop freaking out, even if they may know it is irrational. They need your love and support, so give it to them in any way you can. 

(See what I did there....lucky #8.)