Today I changed the wallpaper on my phone.
You probably read that and thought, “Is this really what she’s writing about?” The answer is yes.
It is a HUGE deal. My OCD goes wild if something like that changes, especially something that I see so often. In this situation my brain thinks that something bad will happen will happen with a new wallpaper. It thinks, “Everything is going well with this one, so why change it and chance something bad happening?” Well, lately I have been trying to get my brain out of that awful thought process that has caused so much stress and anxiety, so today I was bold, and I changed it.
It seems small and mundane, but to me and my brain, it is a big thing. If you’ve never heard of exposure therapy, this is it. It is a technique to treat anxiety disorders that involves exposing yourself to the anxiety source or its context. It is supposed to reduce your sensitivity and anxiety towards something over time. So I am in the midst of my exposure. Over time, my anxiety towards changing my wallpaper should go down and eventually I won’t be anxious about it at all. This happens every time I get a new background though…I keep it for months, then I get anxious about changing it again, and the cycle continues.
My old background said, “You can do it.” So, I did it.
I changed it to a photo I took of graffiti that says, “You’re ok. Promise.” And I believe it.
